Oh Baby!!!

"What's in a name, that which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet." ~William Shakespeare Picking a name for a beloved family pet is easy compared to picking a name for another human being. If you pick wrong for a dog chances are you can change it and the dog will turn out just fine. But picking for a human? If we pick wrong we can't just change it. You're stuck with it for life! That's why we took our time thinking of the perfect name for you Bean. We started with a long list of boys and girls names before we knew your gender. We would say the names back and forth to each other. Try them with middle names, try them with our last name, test run nick names. I promise you, we put a lot of thought in the name you'd be saddled with for the rest of your life. We wanted you to have a name that was all your own. A name just as special and unique as you are. But then your sweetheart of a father told me in front of friends one night that ...

Ok, you little stinker. Time for a heart to heart. I am sure that as we go through the years together you'll do your share of scaring the bujeezes out of me. It's part of parenting and part of life. You'll grow and learn and want to take risks on new things. I'll freak out and be the worry wart that I am and we'll love each other even more for it. But I don't know if my heart can handle all the panic attacks I'm sure you'll unknowingly inflict upon me! Point in case little Bean ~ Yesterday we had our second Doctor's appointment. Dr. Woods wanted to use a fetal heartbeat monitor to listen to your heart. He squirted jelly on my tummy and started rolling the wand over me. From hip bone to hip bone, back and forth, over and over. Calmly telling me that he'll find you. Where did you go? Where could you have gone? You're 2 inches tall child, and you don't have a tiny car in there! After about 5 minutes Dr. Woods announced he was going for the...

It's official. We're registered! Daddy and I met at Babies R Us after work Monday to get registered. Armed with a check list of baby essentials and a stun gun (kidding, it was a sku scanner) daddy and I set off through a maze of over priced tiny human things. Step one - Give daddy the stun gun. Step two - wander up and down Every. Single. Isle. Seriously. Your dad's adorable. Let's just get that out of the way right now. I'm pretty sure he only picked pink things. And that tea pot your gonna need for all the tea parties he's got planned. And a dolly, and a teddy, and binkies and bottles. I kid you not little lady, 17 pages of stuff! Who knew a baby would need so much? Love you!

Hi Baby Girl! Yep, that's right, daddy and I found out your gender last week! And ever since, daddy has held fast to the idea that we will be hosting tea parties for the rest of forever. So, we don't have a cool untrasound photo to offer up as proof of your gender, but because I'm 35 (the doctor's say "advanced maternal age") I qualified to have genetic testing done. Not only did the testing tell us we would he welcoming a sweet little baby girl in a few months, it also let us know that you are perfectly perfect in every way! You have no idea how happy it made us to know your gender! My dear friends Marcie and Jessica came over and helped me paint your room a gorgeous shade of grey and I hung teal and pink paint chips on the wall, the pink one had a heart in it! You now have pink and white striped curtains, a bookshelf with lots of books and pink and teal storage bins! Can't want to fill your closet with cute little girl clothes!

Ok, my little bean. I thought we agreed you wouldn't make me puke? Maybe it was a one sided conversation, but I took your silence as agreement. Looks like you broke your end of the deal little one. So how about for next time we work on your timing, mmmkay? Don't wait till mommy's buck nakid in the shower with face wash in her eyes to say "Hmmmm, now would be a fun time to puke!". It so wasn't a fun time. Sorry kid. When you're older, you try vomiting with soap in your eyes. Or don't. I'll save you the hassle and tell you right now it was miserably painful. Then as I'm wiping soap from my eyes round 2 struck. This time I was able to yank the shower door open and aim in the general direction of the toilet. I hit the floor. They say the third time's a charm. If you were just trying to help me get some target practice in, thanks. I actually made it in the toilet the third time. I guess this marks the end of my 25 year vomiting dry spell! Love, ...

Dear Baby, Yesterday daddy and I went to our very first doctor's appointment to find out that even after my scary dream, you really are real! It was the funniest and most beautiful doctor's appointment I've ever had. It started with a pap inspection. Generally these are not the most fun or enjoyable. But because the nurse accidentally unplugged the lamp, the doctor asked daddy to bring over his cell phone and turn on the flashlight! So here I am legs splayed open, paper blanket drapped over my legs and all I can see is the tops of thier heads,so I'm envisioning two miners with mining hats and head lamps peering into a dark tunnel! And let me tell you. I've never laughed so hard at a pap! Next was the ultrasound. Doctor Woods dimmed the lights and turned on the machine. Looked around for a few seconds and then, miracle of miracles, there you were in all your gummy bear shaped glory. You are the most beautiful and precious thing I've ever laid eyes on. And then...

I want to use this blog as a way to keep track of my thoughts and feelings throughout my pregnancy. Even if those thoughts and feelings flat out terrify me. Some things are difficult to express in words, out loud, to others. But here. Here I think I can at least get the jyst of things out. Last night I had the worst dream imaginable. Matt and I had gone in to our 1st appointment and for whatever reason, the doctor put me under for the ultrasound. When I woke up from the ultrasound the doctor simply told me "there's no baby" and then left the room. I then awoke for real. In a cold sweat and shaking. After years of trying and having false pregnancies where I wouldn't have a period for 4 months but all tests showed negative, this is a real fear of mine! I know deep down I really am pregnant. Books and aps and Google all say that if the test is positive, then there's HCG in your system and a baby on the way. But man. I can not wait till 3pm today for our real, fir...