Worst Dream Ever

I want to use this blog as a way to keep track of my thoughts and feelings throughout my pregnancy. Even if those thoughts and feelings flat out terrify me. Some things are difficult to express in words, out loud, to others. But here. Here I think I can at least get the jyst of things out. Last night I had the worst dream imaginable. Matt and I had gone in to our 1st appointment and for whatever reason, the doctor put me under for the ultrasound. When I woke up from the ultrasound the doctor simply told me "there's no baby" and then left the room. I then awoke for real. In a cold sweat and shaking. After years of trying and having false pregnancies where I wouldn't have a period for 4 months but all tests showed negative, this is a real fear of mine! I know deep down I really am pregnant. Books and aps and Google all say that if the test is positive, then there's HCG in your system and a baby on the way. But man. I can not wait till 3pm today for our real, first appointment and ultrasound so I can lay all my fears aside and bask in the joy of seeing our little bean up on the big screen. Fingers crossed I don't lose mind (or my lunch) between now and then!

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