My Rock

Last night, laying in bed with daddy who is super sick right now, I just burst into tears. Poor daddy laid there rubbing my back not knowing what was wrong or what to do, but he did ask what was going on. Me: "I'm crying cause I'm pregnant" was my sobbed reply. Daddy: "Ummmmm...." Then every fear I've felt durring this pregnancy came spilling out. I don't know where some of them came from and a few of them were completely unfounded even! But when you're on a pregnancy induced hormonal roller coaster, rational thought sometimes leaves you dumbstruck. That was me last night. As I sobbed in daddy's arms last night I bared my soul to him. You see sweet Bean, I am terrified of not being the best mommy for you. I don't want to be the mom that makes you do everything while I do nothing. I promise I won't sit on the couch while you fetch me ice water and rub my feet before you are allowed to do kid things. I won't say "we" are going to do something and then make you do it alone while I take the credit. I know how crummy that feels and don't want that for you. I will ensure you know the value of hard work,and understand that chores are part of life, but chores are also for the parents. I'm sure you'll hate your chores at times, but know that I will be right there doing the chores I hate right along side you! I'm also terrified of bringing you home. Daddy and I will he responsible for a small helpless human. In theory I know what to do with a baby, but unlike my training at the daycare, I don't get to send you home at the end of the day. You are home. So no matter how much we don't understand each other in the beginning, I promise to try my hardest to understand you, to love you even when I haven't slept in a week and to be there for you no matter what. But that brings me to the rest of my fear of bringing you home. How will you know I love you when I am walking around like an auto pilot zombie those first couple of weeks? The house will be a mess I'm sure, someone is going to have to cook and do laundry and make sure we have time to shower and tend to the dogs, but if I'm a barely functioning zombie who's sole purpose is keeping you alive, who's going to keep me alive (lol)? I'm sure when you are older and reading this you'll look back and laugh cause we're both doing just fine, but I tell ya I was a mess last night telling daddy every thing that scares me right now. Your daddy was a rock though. He swears he's not nervous. He's excited. He doesn't know what he's doing either and that excites him! He held me and kept rubbing my back till I calmed down and then reminded.ke that we have friends and family that want to help out when you come home. He assured me they will know that we will be in no condition to entertain visitors and that they will understand if I haven't showered in a week and look like a hot mess! We stayed up a few hours late and talked through all of my fears, and even discussed what excites us about brining you into our lives, but that's another topic for another day! I hope as you grow you'll understand how much Daddy loves both of us, and how much I love both of you. Love mommy